Tag Archives: us senate

Senator Tammy Baldwin Awful Giraffe

U.S. Senator Tammy Baldwin (WI-D)

Senator Tammy Baldwin (Web|Twitter) is the junior U.S. Senator for the cheesy state of Wisconsin. Prior to her 2012 election, she served seven terms in Congress representing Wisconsin’s 2nd district. A progressive champion, she is also the first openly-gay U.S. senator in history, which is pretty cool. I guess.

On April 20, 2013, Senator Baldwin was the keynote speaker at the Second Annual Humphrey-Mondale Dinner in Minneapolis, MN. Following her speech, I squeezed through the crowd where I nervously made the holy ask. To my surprise, without any hesitation or question whatsoever — BOOM!

Seriously, she was completely unfazed.

(Eh, but then again I’m sure she’s seen it all — she’s from Wisconsin, let’s not forget).

Senator Baldwin’s press team did not respond to my requests for comment.

U.S. Senator Al Franken (Or How Con. Peterson Turned Us Down)

The following comes from a friend of mine, Dillon “The Boots on the Ground in DC” McBrady, and for this I am very appreciative. Unfortunately, the last time I had an opportunity to talk with Senator Al Franken back when GDBPWSNBDG was but a threat he thought it was hilarious and a great idea, which is presumably the reason why he has been working so passionately on net neutrality issuessince I am 90% positive this website is the only thing standing between freedom, liberty and ‘Merica, and the Soviet Union [citation needed], but I forgot to make the ask and thus for the longest time Senator Franken was “the one that got away.” But not for long.

U.S. Senator Al Franken

Luckily Dillon happened to make one of his constituent breakfasts in DC, which just goes to show that we will hunt you down, and was able to solicit a drawing. Naturally, this would be the part of the article where I devolve into a long tale of trial and triumph, comedy and life friends made, but there really is not much to say. Dillon asked and he received. That’s it. Not a reference was made about the fact that Franken is well known around the state for his ability to draw a map of the United States from memory or Senator Jeff Sessions from still life.

Nothing.

But where the story of Senator Franken ends the story of the Wall of Shame grows and now I have the great burden of announcing the following: former Chairman of the House Agricultural Committee Collin Peterson, and territorial representative of GDBPWSNBDG, has turned us down. Dillon writes:

It was a normal constituent breakfast. Al Franken was making the rounds shaking hands, but when he stood up to make his usual speech, he pointed out the Representative Collin Peterson was in the crowd. My heart raced. Could I perhaps get two giraffes drawn from important Minnesotans? Peterson looked like such a nice, old gentleman. He even said, “Hi, how ya doing?” and gave me a pat on the back as he walked by me. After getting the Franken giraffe, I had the confidence to approach Peterson:

“Hi, my name is Dillon McBrady, I attend college at the University of Minnesota, Morris. I have an extremely random question for you, would you draw a giraffe for me, please?” I politely handed him a piece of paper and a pen.

He took it into his surprisingly large hands.

“A giraffe, huh? What for? Will this end up on the internet?” His eyes narrowed, looking down at me suspiciously from his 6-foot-something advantage.

“In all probabitlity, yes.” I said, smiling hopefully.

“Then no, I don’t draw too well, and don’t want to be embarassed by some awful giraffe picture I drew.” He gave me back the pen and the empty piece of paper.

After some witty repartee, I walked away. Shamefully disappointed that Colin Peterson had let me down.

It doesn’t tarnish his reputation, but it did break my heart.

These kind of things happen and all we can do is shrug our shoulders and move on with our lives (and definitely not send Peterson, who happens to be a part of the House Art Caucus, an email regarding his decision from zip code 56267). But, on the bright side, at least Dillon was able to walk away with a nice “Caraffe” that only makes me think that I should soon open up a sister website called “Camels Drawn By People Who Should Not Be Drawing Camels” since it’s apparently pretty popular.

But alas, who would read that garbage?

It has a penis.

US Congressman Paul Ryans Awful Giraffe 4 11

US Congressman Paul Ryan (Wisconsin)

As much as it pains me to admit I did not get this giraffe myself. I wish I would have been there so that I could have had the opportunity to point out that whether one calls themselves a Democrat or Republican, they still suck at drawing. Frankly, it may be the one thing that can unite us as a country.

US Congressman Paul Ryan (WI-R)

Or something like that.

Anyway, the following has been relayed to me by a friend of mine named Joe Hartmann (Facebook) who, coincidentally, ran into the congressman in a DC airport. For those who may not be familiar with U.S. Congressman Paul Ryan, he is the chairman of the House Budget Committee who has been in the news lately because of his proposed federal budget and its ensuing controversy. I’ll try to keep my opinions to myself.

Packed up and at the airport ready to return to the state after spending a weekend in the capitol city for an environmental conference, I can only presume Joe was not aware that he was on the cusp of history. Note even knowing the name of the congressman until the deed was done, turning to another bystander and asking “Who was that?” I can only presume that Joe had any clue that he would be interacting with one of the most powerful men in Washington.

As Joe is waiting for his plane to arrive a great commotion breaks out in the distance. Suddenly lights begins to flash and the chattering of the crowd fills the terminal – Joe doesn’t recognize the person but surely someone must. As Ryan signs autographs and takes pictures with fans, the only clear fact is that he’s a celebrity. So what is one to do?

Approaching the congressman, my friend is blunt: “Can you draw me a giraffe?”

Ryan is equally so: “No.”

Though Ryan continues to excite the crowd, Joe continues, “My friend has a blog where he collects giraffes drawn by people who should not be drawing giraffes. It’s gaining some steam and he already has some drawings from other politicians ….” Even though I can only extrapolate and piece together the exchange through my conversations with Joe, the fact that it worked implies that it must have been divinely inspired. There really is no other rational explanation for it.

Pulling out a piece of paper,  Ryan practices his art. Unsatisfied with his first attempt he tears the sheet out of the notebook, crumples it up and puts it into his back pocket. Trying again he creates what can only be described as a masterpiece that may or may not be better than Congressman Tim Walz’s giraffe.

A Pretty Awful Paul Ryan Giraffe

Though I’m not sure why it has black, soulless eyes ….

Our Apologies for Missing Friday’s Post

Normally we like to try our best to post a new giraffe every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, but unfortunately we dropped the ball yesterday. Instead of scheduling a new giraffe I found myself bumming around the Twin Cities visiting friends, writing, walking DinkyTown and giving Michio Kaku‘s powerpoint presentation to a crowd of 500+ at the University of Minnesota Bookstore as he calmly stood beside me with laryngitis (podcast and giraffe to come).

Needless to say: I was busy.

Also, I made my way over to see the always funny Sam Lipsyte at Magers and Quinn booksellers. Lipsyte is a satirist/black humorist/terrible artist whose latest book The Ask (2010) is a New York Times Notable Book of the Year (Slate did a nice review here).

Though your Friday was likely an empty one filled simply with decisions of whether or not you should kick it in the front seat or sit in the back seat, I will make it up to you by making this Monday (4/11/11) extra awful with a double post – I just have to decide which giraffes to use.

In other news:

  • Many thanks to Dillon McBrady for not only obtaining a giraffe from U.S. Senator Al Franken, which will make its way online in the near future. Also, thank you Dillon for bringing to light U.S. Congressman Collin Peterson‘s refusal to help his constituents in their entrepreneurial undertakings.
  • PrettyAwfulGiraffes.com would like to publicly apologize to U.S. Congressman Tim Walz for causing a recent controversy that has the potential to overshadow Nixon’s Watergate. Our bad, dude.
  • A friend of a friend was able to get a giraffe drawn by Philip Glass, who according to Wikipedia is “considered to be one of the most influential composers of the late 20th century and is widely acknowledged as a composer who has brought art music to the public.” Pretty sweet, huh?
  • It’s very likely that we’ll have buttons and stickers ready in the next two weeks. Be sure to join the Street Team and tell all of your friends to do the same.
  • I’m not sure what to do with the giraffes that have been finding their way to my inbox lately. Should I just throw them up online and let the people decide? Help!